I agree with a lot of what's already been said. What you have is good. I think you could work on the timing, I think it was kind of slow. Your work will obviously get better with time, and this is very impressive. I will confess to filling guilty that I found this funny. You introduce a character and a situation and then you kill them. This is funny but very overdone. It's a simple solution and once a way to have a twist ending, but I've both seen and done it too many times. I understand the longer the story the more you have to work but the ending is kind of trite. I till chuckled though so you must have done something right.
I found it very funny, it had a good plot, and the great writing. The only thing I could be improved is the pacing. It kind of drags when brian and puff are on the road as well as when puff calls to check up on the house. Also, I think you should have used a puttering sound effect when the car died out or showed the gas gauge because you could barely see the background through the window, you could have maybe drawn a rock or cactus to show that the car stopped. It was great It just got kinda slow there in the middle. I think your very funny and I look forward to hour next submission. Great work and thanks for sharing
I actually like that it's so short. I think that you got something going here, I found my self playing it over again so I could read the text. For something as short as this dos'nt really need music, however I do think you could utilize some other sound effects like "popping" or "chiming" when the product pops up. I also think the script could have used some cleaning up, some word choices in the dialogue would have been better than others. It's great, there's nothing wrong with it other than polishing up little things. I look forward to your next post and thanks for sharing.
That was really fun. If you make another one please try to make it more challenging and maybe some music or sound effects, yah? It was great and thanks for sharing.
I gotta say that was pretty funny, but I think you went a little too far. I hope this is satire and your not writing about true life experiences.
Don't know much about dubstep, but I like this. From what I understand dubstep is a little chaotic. I think your piece is little to melodic, but I like it.
the world of dubstep varies waaaaayy too much.
drumstep is actually more of what this is.... or, so I'm told.
And... i was never a fan of overchaotic non melodic dubstep, Flux pavillion is one of my favorite artists, and they're for the majority all melodic.
Grandmas hearing aid exploded! gotta watch the levels, make sure they don't go in the red. I don't know what software you use but for now I guess you could manage the individual track volume levels.
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